Saturday, August 20, 2011

It seems I am having to choose more and more between family and my grade. It seems every time I turn around, I'm having to choose. The stress level around here is off the charts. Marc is working literally almost every waking moment. I am either working, doing homework, housework, trying to spend quality time with the kids, or at school literally almost every waking moment. Neither of us have a second to ourselves, much less together, just to RELAX. Four more months. Four. More. Months.

This week, I got a card in the mail letting me know who Harmony's teacher is and that orientation was Friday at 1:45. Marc let me know he had to work. I had to make a choice. Class or meeting Harmony's teacher and making sure Harmony knew where her class was and getting her ready for school to start Monday. Family won out. I have now missed THREE classes this quarter, and AI just cracked down and they are no longer offering make up labs. Each class missed is approximately half of a letter grade. So I am down to a mid B. So much for my 4.0GPA. This is very hurtful to me. I've busted my ass and worked so hard to get and keep that 4.0 and now it's gone. I kind of flipped out the other night with Marc. Not ON Marc, just near him. He had just informed me that he had to work Friday and I started to try to convince him that he indeed did NOT have to work Friday, but after about two sentences I realized the effort was futile. I know he didn't WANT to work Friday. I know he would much RATHER be with the kids. So I stopped. He asked me not to be mad at him. That's when I flipped out.

I told him I am not mad at HIM. I'm mad at the situation. I'm mad that we are both SO BUSY ALL the time. I'm mad that this quarter should be the easiest and most fun quarter and it isn't. I'm mad that I've worked so hard for my 4.0 and it's GONE. I'm mad that the kids are with sitters so much. I'm mad about so much more, but it just goes on and on and on. I finished venting and crying and we just sat there. Then I felt better. We are together. We are working together to make things better for our family, it's just really hard right now. We will make it through, though, and in the big scheme of things, these months will be but a blip.

These lyrics have kind of been my theme since the beginning, but now more than ever. Please ignore the fact that it's Miley Cyrus. haha

"The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb"


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