Classical- week 8

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I’m usually not a procrastinator. This week, though, I have been putting off writing this entry for as long as possible. I am not proud of the food I put up last week, so I haven’t been wanting to share it or write about it. I had an incredibly off week last week. I think it was due to me being stressed about the pastillage piece I was going to be putting together in the class after Classical.

I know it isn’t anyone else’s problem, but I have huge anxiety issues that tend to manifest themselves in other areas that are not directly related to what I am actually having anxiety about. I woke up feeling extremely anxious and panicky. As my morning routine progressed, so did my stress level. By the time I climbed in the car, I was in a nearly full on panic. I decided it was time to take one of those little pills the doctor prescribed me. That’s what they are there for, right? When I pulled into the school parking lot, I popped a xanax and hoped for the best.

The feeling I get when on xanax is hard for me to describe. Everything just get’s suppressed. I’m not anxious anymore, just kind of withdrawn and mopey. That’s how I feel, anyways. I feel like my feet get very heavy and I feel like I am moving very slowly in everything I do. I feel like my body gets kind of heavy and it goes all the way to my facial expressions. I skulked around the kitchen and tried to get my dishes done. Again. I’m not proud of the food I put up.

I made pears with a poppy seed cream, spaetzle, and I attempted the braised red cabbage. Let’s start with the worst. The braised red cabbage ended up burning. I just wasn’t checking on it often enough. That’s really all there is to say about it. I should have kept a better eye on it. The spaetzle came out decent enough but when I went to sauté it, I didn’t heat up the pan well enough first so it never really caramelized and got the texture it was supposed to have.

The pears and cream tasted good, but looked like poo. I had a picture of what I wanted it to look like, but the pear was too heavy and squished the cream. This was my THIRD plating of this dish. Eventually I just left it alone because I wasn’t improving on it at all. The flavors were there, but the plate looked like crap. I enjoyed the aromas of this dish, too.

Somehow our team managed to pull out a win again, but it was not due to any of my work at all. I’m very disappointed in my performance last week and hope this week is greatly improved. I am working with my therapist on how to better cope with stress and anxiety.


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